Today was awesome. Got a free smoothie since the Australian chain business Boost Juice give out free smoothies to a different name every day. Today my name was called! (The exact spelling too!! Brigit!)

AND I borrowed 7 books (on nutrition and eco construction) from my old university library. Super excited to read.

Other good news: employment is rolling in finally! And I’m getting wifi back! My two weeks of no wifi and no money have been humbling and peaceful :)

There are things I have kept to myself for years, energetic truths that were personal, that I feel are now appropriate to release. More people are energetically ready, I feel it. There is more space, and openness for these ideas.

Because I keep looking over my private posts from months, or years ago, that I feel are good to go! Let it into the world! Go go go! Fly fly!

Either that, or I’ve gained confidence. Hue hue, who knows? Who cares! :)

From 2013: “Chaos and fear in my mind”

Lightworkers would be incomplete without darkworkers. Has anyone considered that? I haven’t even heard the word “darkworkers” once.

What if darkworkers keep a secretive profile so that their efforts actually work without people realizing their role is actually helping us stabilize by pushing in the right direction. And if not done with direct secret motivation, All that hate directed at darkworkers.. government, the “elite”, secret societies, damaged souls, corrupt souls.

Are they? I don’t know. Is giving compassion to darkness going to move us towards balance, or is it going to feed dark energy. So what if it does? Who’s to say darkness is “bad”, and light is “good”. Both reflect one another. Why exactly are we choosing “light”. The whole duality shift into a balanced state seems odd to be seeking a lighter existence. It seems similar to promises of heaven, or something “better”, “somewhere else”. Why do we run? We think we’ll ascend? We think we’re better? What if that’s the problem? “shed light on darkness” What if we are to shine light on darkness, so we are aware of it; and to understand that darkness is our friend, we wouldn’t know a lightness if we didn’t have darkness. What if the “shift” is just a balancing. No promises of heaven or hell. Just simplicity.

Darkness is terrifying, i’m sensitive to it. I can’t even bring myself to list all the things that fall under this category in the terms I’m thinking of without actually mentioning any adjectives. Such as regarding earth welfare, animal welfare, government and elite darkness. Words carry energy and I won’t allow myself to put the energy here. I simply won’t even spend too much time in it. I also feel it manifests, I don’t want to put my energy into anything but bliss. Bliss flourishes into beautiful things, darkness allows a “redecoration” the same way natural disasters shake and stir environments. It’s a scary magic to invest in fear. I feel I’m currently in it.. I’m really confused. But there is tremendous fear in my heart regarding those things.

But I want to really learn why I avoid darkness so much. I know to trust my instinct, and I know I love being in a state of natural bliss. But maybe it’s not a good thing. When my chest is in physical pain from an emotional problem, I hurry to resolve the emotional issue. Now this hasn’t happened in a while. Last time it was because of romantic problems, this time it’s because I saw something that made me really scared. Honestly. It made me realize I need to change my energy so it doesn’t affect me, and work towards what I do want to energize. Maybe I’ll feel fantastic once I figure this out, another step towards understanding myself.

Conspiracy theories kind of terrify me. It is good that they are both ignored and feared. Because when ignored, people carry their bliss. When feared, people make drastic changes in their personal lives (Unless they sit in a fear coma, reading into more conspiracies until the fear devours them). I don’t want to be emotionally crippled, I want to figure it out. And I will, that’s what I do. I usually come out feeling great.

Colourful sunset before dark, but it’s dark before dawn. Cycle repeats. Is it ever stable?

What am I even thinking. Okay, chaos message vented! Perhaps more illumination later. Lol..illumination. Illuminati. Why the fuck are they such similar words hey? Ever think of that? Am I reading into it too much. Fuck it. lol

(Edit 2014: This is actually a really good post. I kept it in my drafts for so long because it was mostly a private vent. Truth needs to be vented ya know! :D )

People are rivers, always ready to move from one state of being into another. It is not fair, to treat people as if they are finished beings. Everyone is always becoming and unbecoming.
— Kathleen Winter, Annabel  (via silentnostalgia)

(Source: splitterherzen)

Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
— Apple Inc. (via psych-facts)

sonder
n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

(Source: fleur-issant)

Those days you wake up with a dry, open mouth because you went to sleep on your back. Great dreams though!

And I realized love is everywhere. In every situation there are angels kissing your heart. Smiles of friendship so tender. Compassion expanding and touching hearts, including those who knew not of unconditional love. To see them smile and open up is like when spring arrives, and you finally see the brief unraveling of cherry blossoms. Even if for a moment before they go back into their own worlds, their smile is so beautiful.

You may not be able to solve all the problems, and make everyone understand your point of view. You also don’t have to force changing yourself to better approach a person, because you’re then neglecting authenticity and what individual energy can offer. As every person is a different teacher of life. But you can be a beacon for when they do wish to choose your energy. Be kind and offer your natural gift when they choose your presence. Being you is what you’re best at! Celebrate and share that in lovingness!

Since being back in Aus, it’s been hard on my heart and sanity. I’m possibly going through a very obvious transformation that involves an honesty upheaval. My heart has been aching because I miss Michael. I’ve felt stressed, and lots of little emotions have come to the surface. Anger, frustration, yelling. I’ve become more upfront with people about concerns or miscommunication, also standing up for myself if someone rubs me the wrong way. I used to keep that to myself for the sake of peace. Now I stand vulnerable and I speak up. And since I’m not very good at handling conflict, and since I can’t seem to control my outbursts.. It’s been taxing.

After months of being on holiday, being in my element, being free, and being in the country I want to live in one day, as well as finally meeting my dearly beloved Michael in Texas - it’s been hard being separated from all of that. Im not myself here.. Or there are just emotions I’m yet to address I guess.

Look, I don’t really know. I seem to think I’m angry about being back in my old habitat and it feels awful, yet it’s probably more to do with how I handle myself. And how I need to establish more honesty and confidence. And compassion. I need to create an overhaul for myself. I thought I was this peaceful, loving, understanding person. Which I know I am- but I’m finding some darker portions of myself come to light. I’ve been subconsciously judgmental or arrogant, and I don’t know, I feel so weird. I didn’t know myself at all. I know it will be okay, all is well. I’m not worried, just surprised at myself.

Yet I know beautiful people who love me unconditionally :’( and I’m crying from that thought ? Guh..

Stress does weird things.

astrolocherry:

Fear.
This isn’t a word associated with Scorpio much. More than anything, like their co-ruled Aries under Mars, Scorpio repels while attracting. It’s usually Scorpio that consciously or unconsciously provokes fear in others. And thats because they may be perceived as a body floating in a black, empty void. Like Pluto. They strike fear in others because Scorpio has danced with death and become buried alive by pain. Scorpio confronts others with the terror they would rather avoid, passively. Many people fear death, and Scorpio’s presence offsets the energy that reminds people of the impending shift of consciousness. Some people are energized by this. Other people are intimidated by Scorpios for reasons they can’t pinpoint. And for this many Scorpios find people instantly like them or are repelled by them.
Fear is what drives the lower evolved Scorpio to evil, crime, cruelty and power hunger. Their inability to negotiate the underworld torrents, the plunge into infinite blackness with only their senses to rely on. And while alone, tumbling through a shadowy Pluto abyss, the less integrated Scorpio grabs a hold of anything they perceive will provide them a pillar to step foot on or satisfy their own spiral of indwelling mysteries. This comes through abuses of power and the grotesque manipulation of people through contaminated Pluto water. Authority, money, control and dominance provide a platform on what is a seeming infinite abyss of unknown blackness. And Pluto turns into a dirty waste product when Scorpios, or any of us processing Pluto submit to the underworld guardian with fear, ignorance, aggression and  fail to confront our own psychological processes and harness the  transformative facilities.
These lesser evolved characters have coloured the Scorpio imagery with malevolence and painted Pluto as the assassin dwelling in the shadows. And yet this is typical of Pluto, to illuminate the murkiness while shielding the light. Harsh and humble. Unlike Saturn who stirs the rapids in the water and the flotation devices at every achieved obstacle; with Pluto, we are already submerged and blinded. Here we are forced to find the breath of life behind the eyes wide shut, the light found only in the darkness of the soul and the symphonies in silence.
This is powerful, yet all too overwhelming for some Scorpio incarnates. For some the blackness begins to leak into their soul and their reflex is to spread this in malicious acts of cruelty. We see this through corrupt politicians and remorseless criminals. But what they deem as ‘power’; sitting behind desks with profound titles, victimising other individuals, possessing ultimate authority, religious command and monetary esteem is the ultimately powerless attempt to fill a void of fear. This is a fear of the deep, spiritual and unconscious processes and difficult truths they cannot fathom or manage, and yet, it is largely these types deeming the integrated Scorpio - the healing mystic, the compassionate redeemer, the meditative solitary as weak or unsubstantiated. Intimidation is the response to their intimidation of their own inner world. This doesn’t attenuate their distress so their desire for power grows stronger and stronger and their acts becoming more desperate and callous. Scorpio is a complex sign that blends the purest and most volatile of the human traits. Where the zodiac has learned to form, own, converse, belong, express, analyze and balance; it has developed the human awareness to to consciously weave the web  choose how to walk alongside the gatekeeper. -C.


 “Until we have met the monsters in our own heart, we keep trying to slay them in the outer world. And we find that we cannot. For all the darkness in the world stems from the darkness in the heart. And it is there we must do our work” 
—  Marianne Wilson




 




This. Just this. I’m speechless. Spot on with my relation to the world.

astrolocherry:

Fear.

This isn’t a word associated with Scorpio much. More than anything, like their co-ruled Aries under Mars, Scorpio repels while attracting. It’s usually Scorpio that consciously or unconsciously provokes fear in others. And thats because they may be perceived as a body floating in a black, empty void. Like Pluto. They strike fear in others because Scorpio has danced with death and become buried alive by pain. Scorpio confronts others with the terror they would rather avoid, passively. Many people fear death, and Scorpio’s presence offsets the energy that reminds people of the impending shift of consciousness. Some people are energized by this. Other people are intimidated by Scorpios for reasons they can’t pinpoint. And for this many Scorpios find people instantly like them or are repelled by them.

Fear is what drives the lower evolved Scorpio to evil, crime, cruelty and power hunger. Their inability to negotiate the underworld torrents, the plunge into infinite blackness with only their senses to rely on. And while alone, tumbling through a shadowy Pluto abyss, the less integrated Scorpio grabs a hold of anything they perceive will provide them a pillar to step foot on or satisfy their own spiral of indwelling mysteries. This comes through abuses of power and the grotesque manipulation of people through contaminated Pluto water. Authority, money, control and dominance provide a platform on what is a seeming infinite abyss of unknown blackness. And Pluto turns into a dirty waste product when Scorpios, or any of us processing Pluto submit to the underworld guardian with fear, ignorance, aggression and  fail to confront our own psychological processes and harness the  transformative facilities.

These lesser evolved characters have coloured the Scorpio imagery with malevolence and painted Pluto as the assassin dwelling in the shadows. And yet this is typical of Pluto, to illuminate the murkiness while shielding the light. Harsh and humble. Unlike Saturn who stirs the rapids in the water and the flotation devices at every achieved obstacle; with Pluto, we are already submerged and blinded. Here we are forced to find the breath of life behind the eyes wide shut, the light found only in the darkness of the soul and the symphonies in silence.

This is powerful, yet all too overwhelming for some Scorpio incarnates. For some the blackness begins to leak into their soul and their reflex is to spread this in malicious acts of cruelty. We see this through corrupt politicians and remorseless criminals. But what they deem as ‘power’; sitting behind desks with profound titles, victimising other individuals, possessing ultimate authority, religious command and monetary esteem is the ultimately powerless attempt to fill a void of fear. This is a fear of the deep, spiritual and unconscious processes and difficult truths they cannot fathom or manage, and yet, it is largely these types deeming the integrated Scorpio - the healing mystic, the compassionate redeemer, the meditative solitary as weak or unsubstantiated. Intimidation is the response to their intimidation of their own inner world. This doesn’t attenuate their distress so their desire for power grows stronger and stronger and their acts becoming more desperate and callous. Scorpio is a complex sign that blends the purest and most volatile of the human traits. Where the zodiac has learned to form, own, converse, belong, express, analyze and balance; it has developed the human awareness to to consciously weave the web  choose how to walk alongside the gatekeeper.
-C.

Until we have met the monsters in our own heart, we keep trying to slay them in the outer world. And we find that we cannot. For all the darkness in the world stems from the darkness in the heart. And it is there we must do our work
—  Marianne Wilson
 

This. Just this. I’m speechless. Spot on with my relation to the world.