Heh. I spend so much time being a different person around people, absorbing how others act to reflect it back. Because my natural state is too peaceful, quiet and content. And my interests are too extreme and outlandish that it doesn’t complement my quiet nature. I hold the reigns on myself because if I was outgoing, I’d be too controlling or judgmental or crass with people. I need a sense of humor to counteract that side of myself I keep hidden. I just don’t want to preach, but that’s what I would do if unrestrained and honest. And no one wants to hear about government agendas and secret societies and alien involvements and military technology and mind control and depopulation and reincarnation and multiple lives and metaphysics and environmental problems and living sustainably and off-grid and how to be more sensitive with animals and with other people and looking after ones health. That stuff would come spewing out. And that is why I’m so quiet. And that is why I’m just going to make my life happen. I see the solution, I go for it with patience. I don’t want to preach it.

I analyze so much! And psychoanalyze myself x)

I wrote this big emotional vent of how I’ve been struggling with my thoughts and feelings and the relations around me. Then I deleted it.

I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m very confused. I’m hurt. I’m free. I miss some people. I’ve met some bright positive people that revealed great things to me. I spent time around moody people and it also showed me aspects of myself I wish to work on.

That includes: focus and light heartedness. To see humor amidst the pain is a strong energy to have with you. I must transform myself in every act. It’s always a choice.

I feel like I want to cry, and I want to be close to someone to exchange and surrender my deepest thoughts. Or just bury my face in them for a moment. Not having that has made me detached somewhat. And yet possibly more responsible and self-reliant.

I’m still finding my path, whatever that is. I’ve been selfish too. So I want to help people if I can. Both focusing on what I want in life, and helping others is respecting myself and being kind. Kindness is the most valuable gift. I try to share it. I try despite my insecurities. I know each moment is temporary and builds upon the next realization.

I also know that I must do what I feel is right in my soul, and simply act upon it without delay. No more emotional leaks through overthinking, or energy leaks through distractions/ spending time around unaligned people. You just do that thing that makes sense and makes you happy and keep trying and trying.

Peace.

California photos. Near Tahoe national forest. We’re helping out on a horse ranch for a few weeks. I’ve never been so tired every day, haha. 6am-10pm everyday! I feel I barely have energy to read or relax, I’m just pooped! Early rises are nice.

The pic of the Arab and I, that’s a $50000 horse who belongs to Paris Hilton’s aunt. :P

Some more photos from Idaho. This was Ranch Fest. These guys :)) I had the best time with them! there were school buses scattered around the property

I miss Idaho already :))) sigh

Featured photos: hiking up Buttercup Mountain (elevation 9000ft), me at the peak, Ben (another wwoofer) at the peak, Ranch country music festival, picking flowers on another hike, flight over lake Washington in seattle on the way back from Idaho, and walking the goats and dogs in the empty fields. All that hiking and exploring was within the “backyard”.

While wwoofing in south Idaho, I tried some target shooting! I’m an introverted, peace loving and animal loving vegetarian, so hunting wasn’t my aim, but I had to get over my fear + curiosity of guns. Turned out to be a lot of fun! Gotta respect and take responsibility for such tools of destruction. :)

Colorado is great! I met up with new friends from tumblr! We saw Shpongle at red rocks, which was amazing. Then it decided to snow on our hiking plans, what gives Colorado! But ah, that snow was pretty! We hung out and discovered some awesome vegetarian/ vegan/ sustainable restaurants. Such forward thinking, healthy, friendly people.

Oh and the weed dispensaries! It felt so liberating to legally buy weed! And their edibles are awesome!

:)